There’s no doubt about it, I’ve struggled with numerous bouts of rage in my life. Those moments have become more rare as I age however it’s clear to me that any amount of rage is a destructive reaction, even when it is in private an episode will take a toll on your psyche.
Rage is a total giving up the idea that any sane approach will work, a loss of patience that occurs when I want something to be different and cannot accept what is there in front of me, at which point a fire deep within begins to smolder. In some ways rage probably isn’t completely irrational, it can be an insane reaction to insanity around you, but it’s still manifesting more insanity which only makes things worse.
The build up is slow at first, the upper levels of consciousness do their best to remain at the helm, but the fog of anger can drift over causing a purblind state riddled with myopia. Rage has a disregard for the now and simply is trying to eradicate a past it cannot accept. A past that oddly isn’t totally true as the mind presents it. It’s a condensed self-serving narrative driven to a fine unthinking reactionary point employed as a defense mechanism. Further, rage never seems to be just about a particular event itself, rather it takes a gradual compounding of many areas of resistance to induce full blown rage.
People in a calm state of mind fear rage which gives it power. Though rage is a highly unpredictable ally, a karma laden condition. When there’s a certain look that clouds over the eye it’s understood this person is liable to do absolutely anything, best to steer clear. It’s a dark super power. That is why the rage is there. A last ditch attempt to get some form of power over one’s fate, an attitude rich in non-acceptance and disregard for others.
Pure rage requires a self righteousness about itself. The mental position of someone likely to fly off into a rage is a state of being so self assured in one’s own notions of right and wrong there’s a sense that any option is on the table as a viable response. A victim mentality is present at some level that feels something has been taken, and you not only have the right to take that back, but to dole out whatever pain you see fit to whomever you can scapegoat the blame onto. Always though, the precursor to rage is unblinking self righteousness.
Rage may seem uncontrollable when it arises but it can always be stopped. What’s necessary to defuse the rage bomb is to accept what is going on right now no matter how difficult that may seem, and breathe. Accepting fully with an understanding that getting angry about it isn’t going to make the situation better for you or anyone else around you. A calm mind is a clearer mind, apt to make better decisions. Whereas a raging mind is likely to be supremely biased and will struggle to remain coherent.
Should an episode of rage breakout at moments where a critical action is needed to avert catastrophe the mind or gut intuition will be all but inaccessible leaving only the most impulsive thoughts as possibilities. There’s very few circumstances where coming to the point of rage ends up being helpful. That is unless you are intentionally trying to ruin your life or drive people away from you.
Annoyance, irritation, a furrowing of the brow, these minor tantrums water the seeds of rage. The stories you’ve told yourself are saying that if you get angry you might be able to right some problem that otherwise couldn’t be solved without intimidating the hell out of someone or smashing something.
Rage feels so off-kilter when you are clear thinking it’s almost as if you dissociate with it. Like how Banner can’t really remember the Hulk’s episode. The lycanthrope knows there was a full moon last night and something happened, but it’s all fuzzy. Dr Jekyll compartmentalizes Hyde.
When you feel that little tickle of power from the anger it can become addictive. It’s a defense mechanism against the world that was first installed because you felt weak and powerless. Triggering rage allows for some semblance of power.
It’s keeping things inside and clinging to all that irritates you without ever letting them go. Once the power of rage is tasted one might even be inclined to intentionally hold on to suffering so the rage will still be there to protect themselves when situations get ugly.
Rage is like every other mental affliction, it comes about due to a story we’ve told ourselves to feel better. Something that insulates the parts of you that feel most vulnerable. Rage may unsettle everyone and gain a sense of leverage over a situation, but it’s as far removed from a state of grace as one can be.
Many times in the past when observing the aftermath of my own rage I’ve felt a sort of shame over the whole thing. It makes me feel inclined to make excuses for the episode, to justify it somehow. My calmer state is terrorized by the inner beast that loses control too. A personality split happens where my calm self begins to rationalize like a battered spouse might make excuses for the person that beat them. My internal dialogue says yeah sure I screamed and had insane thoughts for a moment, but I had a tough time as a kid. Or I’ll create a victim story of some kind about how I was denied something other people have and that’s why it justifies me punching a drinking glass and requiring fifteen stitches. True story, not a flattering one.
Almost any excuse will do in order to avoid not acknowledging it happened, and happened because I was clinging to things that were driving me nuts. For me personally, rage episodes can be followed with feelings of self abandonment and the aforementioned self shaming. People with rage are not just rough on the outside world, they are cruel to their own minds as well and isolate their own spirit. The rage is fighting to feel something else, but its brief eruption is followed by a sinking back into a hole where one tries to forget that little episode where they just lost total control.
Rage and panic are on a spectrum of extreme ego reactions. Fight or flight. They are both reactionary and afraid to face the situation as it is, where one end of the spectrum wants to ignore and the other wants to dominate. There may be relevant times to flee or fight but it’s how those decisions are arrived at that makes all the difference. As noted, rage is primarily selfish in orientation so choosing to fight will embody that limited manner of thinking, and when you’re fighting in a rage what you’re acting from is filled with self delusion with a propensity to overreact.
There’s no easy way to quell the rage monster within, only deep acceptance of yourself and allowing things to just be that you cannot control can defuse the reaction. That means facing things head on in a straightforward way where you stop keeping score and start working with the moment as it is. Meditation, self-questioning and observing your thoughts can help tremendously, but again, it’s not easy for most and requires a form of radical honesty to let go of the accumulation of spite. If you’ve relied on rage as a defense you may also feel a fear there of letting it go because it equates to a loss of a critical defense for your ego. Some inner stuff that seems pretty scary may have to be faced to let it go, but if you don’t face it and going gets tough it no doubt will make one prone to psychotic unbalanced reactions, not to mention lots of stress with possible health implications. So best to stop feeding the beast within and tame what feels like an uncontrollable force lurking in your heart.
